Change…

156:365, Breakfast At Nini's
Change, and I’m not talking about the kind you get from a cash register.

I am talking about the kind that rocks your world.
That rattles your pockets and your heart.
The kind that makes you have to breathe deep and long
 and not take things personally.
(don’t take this personally, I keep saying to myself)

It’s the type of change that might domino it’s way to even more adjustments, movements and places.
I can hear the rattling. Click, click, click by click, as the rectangular, white and polka dotted pieces tumble into their neighbor…
until all the bones are stacked in a diagonal lean.
Sandwiched against one another for support-
It’s the support that keeps me going. The love, the ‘no matter whats’.

My eyes are bloodshot, though I haven’t cried today.
(don’t take this personally, I keep saying to myself)
I want to cry.
What seems more appropriate and at the tip of my tongue is to scream.
I don’t want to be a number on a page.
 With a quick edit, a box on an organizational chart
is there one minute and gone the next.
I am a person, I can’t be wiped out that easily.
(don’t take this personally)

 I have to re-apply for a
‘new’ job at a place where I am not sure I want to work at any more,
for people who don’t really seem to care.
(don’t take this personally, I keep saying to myself)

I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel,
a door opening,
a clearing of space for new opportunities.
(don’t take this personally, I keep saying to myself)
It’s the support that keeps me going. The love, the ‘no matter whats’.

6 Comments Change…

  1. erin June 11, 2011 at 1:36 am

    oh no, vanessa. that is so awful. but i love the ending of your post. though the light may be dim in the distance, never doubt that it’s there.
    xo

    Reply
  2. Erika June 11, 2011 at 2:21 am

    Oh man. Change always sucks the second it happens. I’m sorry.

    Reply
  3. Cathy June 12, 2011 at 3:55 am

    Not to be too cliche, but there is freedom and possibilities in change, whether you choose it for yourself or not. Go out there and find out what’s waiting for you.

    Reply
  4. Vanessa/NessieNoodle June 12, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    @Cathyyou are beyond right, and sometimes cliches are cliche for a reason… I am search and stretching for those things that are waiting. hugs.

    Reply
  5. Vanessa/NessieNoodle June 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    @erinThe light is there, I can see it… just have to reach and stretch a little bit to get there…

    @Erikathanks Erika…

    Reply
  6. Melissa June 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Wow, this post hits me so completely, you have no idea! thank you so much for sharing this and your experience. it was so helpful for me to read today.

    My advice: surrender to what your soul needs

    xoxox
    Melissa

    Reply

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